benzedrinehalen:

“average person uses 3 eyeliner pencils a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person uses 0 eyeliner pencils per year. Pete Wentz, who lives in cave & uses over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

(via cumber-bitches)

mishakoalins:

A default ring tone is heard. 100 moms look at their purses.

(via pizza)

iusedtobeintbs:

modosanai:

‘if the bride and groom would now like to exchange their vows’ the priest says

a, e, i, o, u’ the bride whispers

#with his eyes filling with tears #the groom chokes out a heartfelt ”and sometimes y”

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

julianocasabranca:

FUN STORY: my grandma lives in a city that was currently taken over by drug dealers and gangs and it’s now divided in two and my grandma is the oNLY CITIZEN IN THE WHOLE CITY who can go walking freely through both sides of the town because she used to do community work and feed the poor kids and those gang members were all fed by her so they let her come and go as she wants SO WHAT WE LEARN TODAY IS TO BE FUCKING NICE TO KIDS BC U MIGHT BE DEALING W FUTURE GANG MEMBERS

(via scottsonnier)

mausspace:

weirdtrip:

he looks so pleased
"oh look. look at this apple. it me"

horf horf horf

mausspace:

weirdtrip:

he looks so pleased

"oh look. look at this apple. it me"

horf horf horf

(Source: tkr, via pizza)

kamelworld:

when a singer actually has an accent in a song you have to sing with that accent it’s just a rule ok

(via pizza)

intergalacticbarbie:

Time is a cruel unforgiving mistress

intergalacticbarbie:

Time is a cruel unforgiving mistress

(via butterybiscuitbitch)

butterybiscuitbitch:

"why am I not hot" I think to myself as I put two thousand calories of chocolate into my mouth

imperialmog:

The 4th of July, its the day that people put American flags outside their homes expecting a visit from Captain America who arrives in a sleigh powered by eight bald eagles giving fireworks, who then goes and has his birthday party.

(via iforgotmytampon)